Spot-on Guidance

Around this time last year I was stuck in a job with a narcissistic boss and her neurotic tattle-tale stepdaughter (three cheers for nepotism!). There were SO so so may things going wrong on my team and every problem was rooted in behaviors expressed by one or the other of the Toxic Two. I was so unhappy but I wasn't sure if I should start job searching again so soon; I had only been there 10 months at that point. I stuck with my prior job over 11 years and it was much the same, so I couldn't figure out why I was 90% more miserable here.

I pulled the layout pictured here, and boy did it illustrate the situation!

Recent Past - Two of Swords, Reversed 

Ending a stalemate with a movement in the wrong direction, regrets, and second-guessing. These reverse attributes of Two of Swords in the past position correlate with the job situation I had left behind for the current job. I was there over 11 years and desperate to leave. I was in the last of a hundred phases of burnout, and jumped at the first good offer. Now, it seemed, I left the frying pan only to end up in the fire.

Present Outlook - Four of Pentacles, Reversed 

At the precise moment I pulled this reading, my intent was to just quit on the spot! The event of that day was the straw that broke the camel's back. I wanted to tell my boss to take this job and SHOVE IT. The reversed Four of Pents suggest that in the near-term, this will cause business obstacles and financial instability, i.e., unemployment, no paycheck. Fine then, I won't quit today.

Next Three Months - Page of Cups, Reversed 

Unrealistic expectations, impractical, too impulsive, emotionally unstable. Now, I like to think of myself as pretty self-aware, and while I can see my wanting to quit as very impulsive, the combination of characteristics are more suggestive of my coworker, the boss's daughter, Jessica. 

Allow me my venom momentarily... this young woman went to a religious "college" and basically majored in Motherhood. She then transitioned from her job as Stay-at-Home-Mom into a role that the rest of our team had been specializing in for varying numbers of years (6 for me). It was clear from the jump she had no experience in a corporate organization, she was incredibly immature and emotional. The workload was insanity, yet Jessica would somehow have time to go through and check other peoples' work (including mine), then chastise them (and me) for it in front of the entire team. And whenever she didn't get her way with something, she would go immediately to her stepmom, Kim, and tattle. Predictably, Kim would always circle back and change the rules for her, and/or crucify people (and me) on the next evaluation. 

Oh, and during a work conference dinner, Jessica - out of the clear blue - said she wanted to have open and honest communication with me, and asked me if it bothers me that she looks at my work. Feeling uncomfortable, but acting on her invitation for honesty, I said, "I never really know what to say." She literally burst into tears and three bewildered coworkers huddled around her trying to comfort her. SOMEONE on our team told our team leader (not Kim) that the team doesn't like it when she does this (true), and indirectly pointed the finger at ME, in front of everyone, as the person who said it (I did not). Jesus fuckin Christ. Reversed Page of Cups is that B right there.

With this card in the near-future position, it was clear that this dumbfuckery was set to continue. Which it did.

Catalyst - 10 of Swords, Reversed

People I thought were my friends were not my friends. People betrayed me and tried to take me down. Pain motivates like nothing else. But this card comes with good tidings: thwarting retaliatory aggression, triumph over foes, moving on and not looking back! But it still sucks.

Environment - Five of Pentacles 

Destitution! Alright, already, I won't quit today! This card also reveals a sense of displacement, helplessness, and onset of depression, which can lead to physical ailment. I was definitely feeling the first three and didn't want to get sucked in and end up sick. This card asks the seeker to hold on, be frugal, keep working hard because divine intervention is on the way! 

Hopes & Fears - Seven of Cups

This is a card of temptation, and obscurity. Being tempted by things that hide the real goals, and the seeker does not know what they really want. I was seeing red and didn't know what to do. It's exactly like the part of the Pinocchio story where he skips school and goes to the amusement park. I was picturing myself getting revenge on Jessica, taking down Kim, getting one or both of them fired. I fantasized about sending an email saying, "I QUIT!" and getting into my car and driving away - except I worked from home, so where am I going? The ultimate message here was to exercise patience and self-control.

Result - Ace of Swords

Beginning a new conquest! This card can also represent someone strong-willed or rebellious, but nevertheless will be recognized for their leadership qualities. A fighter and an intellectual. Dare I say... someone like me?

I was astounded by how this reading resonated with every aspect of the whole job situation, coworkers, etc. The message was loud and clear: Yes, this sucks. It will continue to suck if you stay. Take action, but don't do anything rash. Things will get better!

SO what did I do? I brushed up the old LinkedIn profile and started applying for jobs. I kept working, but only did my eight hours, and let the rest of the work slide. After only a couple weeks applying for jobs I got some good hits and pulled another reading. Stay tuned for that post!